When parents split up, it is always hard on the kids. There are ways that couples can make it easier on the kids, and it does take dedication. Most parents go into it blindly, and if the divorce is bad and they are bitter for whatever reasons, they can end up doing things that can be classified as parental alienation. Some say that it is not a real thing, but children can be influenced very easily by one parent or another. The problem is more widespread than parents who are divorcing would like to admit.
When parents divorce and have to go through the courts to decide custody and visitation, there are often things included in the court order that try to eliminate parental alienation. This is basically when one or both parents, or someone who is siding with either parent, speaks negatively in front of the children in an attempt to get the child to take sides. This often happens when one of the parents is not happy about their share of time and want to make a case for more time. They do so through parental alienation, trying to get the child to say the other parent is bad or doing something wrong.
Many law guardians, who are appointed to represent the needs and wishes of the children caught in a custody battle, are aware of parental alienation and know what to look for when speaking with the children. If you spend time talking bad about your spouse or trying to urge the children to say something they don't mean or do not want to say, the law guardian is often able to catch that. This in turn goes against you, as it should. The main focus of any custody and visitation trial is about the best for the child, not the best for the parents in question.
The urge to talk badly about your spouse if they have cheated on your or done any number of terrible things that led to the end of your marriage is a natural one. However, it is not a good idea. It may kill you that your kids still think mom or dad is a great person, even when you know better. Remember that as long as the other parent is not hurting the children, their relationship with that parent is beneficial to them. You should swallow your feelings, as hard as that is to do, and encourage any positive relationship they may have. If kids know on their own, that is not technically parental alienation, but you have to do your best to shield them from the mess.
The best divorce is the divorce that leaves the children feeling loved and supported by both parents. They are always going to grieve the end of your family as they know it, but as parents you have to usher them into the new way as best as you can with as little sadness as possible. Parental alienation may suit your needs, but this will hurt your children in ways that you may not yet understand. Rant and rave to friends and even the judge, but leave your kids out of it. If you want the surest way to lose custody of your kids, give your spouse what he or she needs to establish parental alienation.