When couples with children go through divorce court, they had better find a way to agree on all the important details to do with their children. Because if the don’t, the custody and visitation dispute that they will have to put themselves through truly comes with potential to harm their child. Unfortunately, most couples find it nearly impossible to arrive at some kind of mutual understanding on what the arrangement is to be. For what it’s worth, these tips could help families going through this, to find a way to at least settle their child custody and visitation disputes amicably, just to spare their child.
No child psychologist has ever credibly established that parents should stay together for the sake of their children. However, when they do part, they should learn to be civil for the sake of their children. This is the most important thing that anyone going through divorce should try to remind themselves of. It doesn’t matter who’s in the right and who is not. If a disagreement you have over the custody and visitation arrangement doesn’t really have to do with how the child’s interests are harmed, if it’s simply a matter of getting your way because”you have a right too”, it’s always best to just be the bigger person and to just drop it.
Whichever parent gains custody of the child, the other parent, the one who doesn’t get to actually keep the child, will often try to win the child over by taking up every time that the child comes to stay for a short time, and turning it into an extremely enjoyable, super special outing. In general, they hope to take a time like this and to win the child’s loyalty. Apparently, they feel that when the child comes to see that this other parent treats him better, he’s just going to ask to stay with them and perhaps dislike the custodial parent who gives them a regular life of halthy discipline.
Of course, this is a very bad idea. It makes it difficult for the other parent to actually parent the child effectively. It disrupts the whole parent-child dynamic. Even if the parents of the child just can’t agree on anything and get along, they really should agree on the kind of parenting experience they will let their child have. It’s usually a very unhappy thing to have one parent try to be normal and to have the other to spoil him.
Often, the child himself will try to play one parent off against the other. Of course, they don’t mean it in a bad way. They’re just children, and they see a way that they can get what they want. You would think that any parent would try to correct what their child was doing when they caught them doing this kind of thing. Unfortunately, those parents aren’t terribly mature themselves. They see what their child is doing, but they go right along with it, because they want to use their child as a pawn in their fight with their ex.